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22 August 2007 @ 12:11 am
I randomly found a old Data CD tucked away in my music CD case and I snagged it as I came back inside earlier. I was hoping it was my CD with my old writings on it (cuz all of my current stuff has been unfortunately deleted) and luckily I was right. This is one of the stories I had written one day in Independant Study when I was bored back in High School. We were all sitting around bored out of our minds and I did this to pass the time. Anyways, read with caution. It's quite disturbing.

Once upon a time, there was a jew named Chair. Chair was very special because people sat on him. Why? Cuz he had a fetish for asses. One time, a fat guy farted on him, and left a streak on Chair’s pants 5 feet long. It smelled so rancid, that his leg fell off, but Chair didn’t care, that rhymed. Once Chair lost his leg, he became known as Tripod, which was quite ironic because he had a big penis. Almost as big as Duck’s. Tripod was only 2 feet in the ground. Why? Because no one questioned the methods of Jebus. I have a fierce need to put aluminum foil on my penis and stick it in a socket. It makes me tingle. I have ADD, it makes things purple. I have a perk during work.

Another time, The Guy Formerly Known As Chair’s best friend, Pad, lost their eyeball and wobbled around his kitchen until he substituted the lost eye with a maraschino cherry. After the eye was replaced with the maraschino cherry, the big head honcho, Ishamel, arrived upon the scene, clad only in orange mail armor. His bright green hair stood up in a three foot mohawk. Then, the Mohawk transformed into a big puddle of chocolate sauce. Pad started to lick the chocolate sauce. It made him happy in his pants and he started to hump Tripod. Tripod exploded into a white creamy sauce that tasted pretty good with peanut butter. Mmm. Peanut butter is good with cream cheese. Eventually, ramen noodles began to shoot out of Pad’s special spot, and mixed with the chocolate sauce. Apparently the smell of roses really smell like ooh-ooh-oh. Oriental ramen is like chess. Its fluffy and has an odd aftertaste. Kinda like sex, only with a horse. Which is, in turn, like giving CPR to a Humpback whale. That’s also almost just like covering a jellyfish in butter and rubbing it across paperclips. Or shaving a toad and stuffing it up your cocker spaniel’s butt.

Back to the story, Pad had an odd bubbly feeling in his ear and shat out scrambled eggs. Then, Tripod reformed and they both enjoyed a well balanced breakfast of scrambled eggs from the ass, as well as purple people eaters. After they finished their meal, they got down dirty and had sex with a giant ringworm who had a bad case of herpes. Then they caught it and boils erupted all over their skin, leaking sickly yellow pus and green gas. “Holy Christ Nuggets with a side of coleslaw Batman!” Pad exclaimed. Pad found out he had three testicles and had the uncanny ability to reproduce by yanking his arm off. And we’ll leave it at that.

Then, the computer crashed and I was unable to type anymore of the story. This is the end, and I cant make the laptop work anymore so I cant type out anymore. Stop reading now, you teamkilling fucktard. Stop now, or I will shoot you. Cheezy poofs will erupt from your urethra. The End. For now.

This is what the worst boredom you get in school spawns. Quite horrifying if I must say. Anyways, hope you enjoyed and didn't lose a limb or two from the maddness.

Oh and for those who were curious, this stories title is Ishamel's Life Story.
That Thing Ain't Got No Feeling In It: calmCalm
What I'm Listening To: Dragon Force - Through The Fire And Flames
CJsnowredrose on August 22nd, 2007 10:35 pm (UTC)

I pretty much can't stop laughing, haha
stage_geek_redstage_geek_red on August 23rd, 2007 07:51 pm (UTC)
I remember you writing this in the practice room...i remember how dirty i felt for decimating the english language...but it was just, too, funny. Oh the days of high school.
burninginnocent on August 29th, 2007 10:59 pm (UTC)
Oh god! No! Not again!

Seriously, what were we on?!?!?!

Thank you for posting this. It totally made my day.
Lord Lu Xunlord_lu_xun on August 30th, 2007 02:48 am (UTC)
It's KC. You don't have to be on anything to make something up like that.

Bat on your wall.
Lord Lu Xunlord_lu_xun on August 30th, 2007 02:50 am (UTC)
To coin a phrase from my favorite gay man:

"Fwipy Fwipy."
burninginnocent on September 4th, 2007 02:50 pm (UTC)
Re: P.S.
Aaand ... you're done.